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The Unelected President ‘Mike Medlock’s’ reaction to being ordered by a federal judge to reinstate Jim Acosta’s White House Press Pass.

Posted by John T. Reed on

U.S. District Court Judge Timothy Kelly, who was appointed by Trump, ordered Trump to reinstate CNN’s Jim Acosta’s White House press. Here is how my fictional Unelected President “Mike Medlock” would respond to that court order at a news conference to be held today.
“Good afternoon members of the White House Press Corpse [sic]. I want to personally welcome back Jim Acosta and hand him his court-ordered White House Press Credential. C’mon up here, Jim.”
They pause during the handshake so still photos can be taken.
Acosta returns to his seat.
“Don’t sit down, Jim. Everyone else stand up. When this news conference ends, go clean out your workspace of all your personal belongings and get off the premises of the White House.
“I am renaming the office where you guys work the ‘U.S. District Court Judge Timothy Kelly Annex to the Chief of Staff’s Office.’ Here is the plaque we already had made. As you can see, it has a photo of Judge Kelly.
“As you guys know, the West Wing offices are absurdly cramped. My chief of staff will move some of his people into your old White House Press Office space.
“You guys are still going to be able to ask me questions—along with the rest of the world. The new format is anyone on earth with a question for me will submit it in writing to the website. We do not want any identification of the questioner. If you put your name or employer on the question, it will be deleted. We do not care who is asking the question. A child can ask. A foreigner can ask. Enemy spies can ask.
“All questions received will appear on the web site so you can see which we answer and which we don’t.
“I will see all the questions in advance. We will research the answers where appropriate. Generally, the purpose of my taking questions at all is to identify gaps in our public statements that require supplemental information—in other words, to tell the public things we should have included in our original statement.
“Our selection of questions to answer will be subjective. We will look at how many asked the same question, look for attempts to game the system and disregard those, and plain quality of the question. I will not answer rude questions, even if Judge Kelly orders me to. Indeed, if Judge Kelly or any other judge tries to tell me how to run my future news conferences, I will stop holding them at all.
“The Constitution does not require me to hold live news conferences, which may be a revelation to Judge Kelly. The institution of the President answering pop questions live was created by President John F. Kennedy in 1961. I admired JFK, but I must note that reporters in that era did not trash talk him like you guys. I do not think he would have tolerated it either.
“To make sure everyone understands, I am eliminating special media access to all executive branch personnel. Among other things, there will be no reporters riding on Air Force One from now on. Henceforth, if any of you want to set foot on the White House grounds, you will do so as members of the White House tour groups—and the rules for those groups ban questions shouted at White House officials. If Judge Kelly orders us to change those rules, I will end White House tours.
“In short, you guys are no longer privileged characters in the U.S. government’s executive branch. You have the same access as the public. You will stand in the same lines as the public, both figuratively and literally.
“Ladies and gentlemen, it’s been real. As often happens, the misbehavior of a few hurts the well-behaved many. Not all of you behaved like Acosta, but most of you may a big show of supporting him against me. You made this bed. Now you will lie in it.
“My final words to you are ‘Get the hell out of the White House.’”
President Medlock leaves the press briefing room. Acosta yells a question. Medlock ignores him, but reporters later say he smiled as he did so.

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