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The mating calls of the contrarian coach’s opponents

Posted by John Reed on

The following are words and phrases you will hear from opposing coaches if you apply the principle of contrarianism to your offense.

“Base! Base!” That’s what opposing defensive coordinators and field captains will yell when you align in a formation they do not expect or use a contrarian tempo like my warp-speed, no-huddle.

“Timeout! Timeout!” This usually happens on the second or third play of the game because the opposing defense and their coaches do not know what hit them when you use contrarian schemes and tactics.

“When are you gonna stop running that damned __________ offense?! We have to waste a week of practice every year changing everything around just for that one game.” Usually heard at coaching clinics or the mall.

“It may be legal, but it’s not football!” This is listed after the “e.g.,” under “sour grapes” in the dictionary of football phrases. The A-11 wa outlawed in 2009. They tried to outlaw the forward pass in 1913.

“We’ll just ______________” (From coaches who overestimate how easy it will be to adjust to your contrarian schemes—contributed by Hugh Wyatt, popularizer of the indirect-snap double wing)

“We’re not going to ruin a perfectly good defense just to get ready for one lousy game against a crazy coach.” (The philosophy that caused us to lose the Vietnam War.)

“Everybody knows you always [or never] do such and such in football.” Except us contrarians.

“Watch everything!” Thank you Mr. Defensive Coordinator for making your defense paranoid and therefore tentative.


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